m!s$ uNdeRrSt0oD (crescenteve) wrote,
m!s$ uNdeRrSt0oD

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written on the 16th of this month...


door painted black as if it were to keep people off and away.
it opens and all the devilries shot out, shot in.
i stood outside as i watched the serpents.
raindrops injected through my skin,
didnt hurt my non-existence, immortality of this unrighteous being.
velvet rope drawn,
blood dripping out of it hitting the shiny concrete.
elements on the ground kept the sinners standing firm.
"hey buddy, whats the deal?!",
as i look into his eyes and see right through him.
he looks down onto the book of death,
extends his arm with handful of tickets.
enough to make you drown.
instant winner of this place,
privileges as you burn.
making of your soul as it puts you in demand.
concealing myself as i pass the roaring line,
through the velvet rope,
and the dog of this forbidden sanctuary stamps my hand.
sealed with the flame as i walk through that black door.
i walk in with the grace of a beholder,
ridiculed the halflings.
feeding my soul with the food served from judas.
quenching my thirst with the drink that the sinister mixed just for me.
upright position,
determined to overcast the shadows of every demon in the room.
looked up and thought "nevermore".
then i stared straight ahead.
with my fist clenched,
nails digging into my skin.
heated with tempstresses breathing on me,
as they say,
"dance with me".
filled with guilt and what has driven me down under.
visions of malisciousness,
targeted by immorals.
someone's touched my flesh,
kicked up a notch of this wickedness.
my eyesight became blurry,
as the music pounds my body with its beat.
as i felt like a drum,
i moved like i was set free.
i push my leve up to 10,
still no limitations.
my blood rising,
my pulse of the timer,
myself out of control.
my body hits the floor...
i open my eyes,
with someone's eyes fixated on mine.
eyes pierced me through i had to shut mine again.
his voice was soothing,
comforted my damaged being.
his words moved me with pain and understanding,
settimg me straight.
his arms wrapped around me as i heal,
lifted me up,
and pressed me against his body.
my tears burned my face as i hold on tight,
and pleaded...


up until now i still believe that i dont deserve God's love. ive failed Him so many times in the past that i can never repay Him for what He has done for me. my life before i found myself in His grace was nothing but a huge test that i often failed as i stumble over and under its obstacles. even if i know that He has forgiven me for my sins, for i am only human bound to make mistakes...i know that id still have a difficult time forgiving myself for letting my being go that far. im still filled with guilt for ever turning my back on Him and cover myself with sins, the ways of this world, works of the flesh, and chance-given temptations. but even with all that in me, never again will i fail Him. never again will i let Him down due to lack of self-control. ive been guided to His will, and from now on ill dedicate my life serving God. and scenarios like that up there, like what i wrote up there, will never again happened to me.


oh yeah! tomorrow's my birthday! HAPPY BIRTHDAY, TO ME!!!! hahaha =P
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