m!s$ uNdeRrSt0oD (crescenteve) wrote,
m!s$ uNdeRrSt0oD

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somethings buggin me fo sho

well im at my cousins house chillen in her room while she sleeps. fuck, i cant sleep. restless as a motha! well, the thing is. me and my lina are on this weird ass trip as bestfriends. backing off each other for a bit. not really talking for a minute, you know what i mean. our friendship had been put to test left and right, up and down. some we handled well, some we failed to pass. and couple of days ago...we just watched ourselves flunk big time! one of the things that i regret the most when it comes to us. and eversince, i havent been really sleeping well. 3 nights have past with this ill-communication and i dont like the feeling at all. not one bit. not that i dont trust her or whatever. its just that theres no reason for her to not do what she wants to do as far as her and i as one go. whatever it is, as much space ive asked from that she failed to give me...now that she needs hers...ill give it to her with no complain. like ive always been, ill be patient and humble once more.

im just really bunched up right now. not liking this empty feeling. worried - concern at the same time. i always get like this when im scared. real scared. i just dont want to lose her at all. her and i have mutual feelings as far as being in each others life is concerned. she cant be without me and i cant be without her. when we're not ok, her life is fucked up. and i guess this chill mode is for our strength, for "us"...as she says...she we'll be better and stronger when we need to handle things next time instead of letting our weakness tear us apart when difficult test and scenarios come along. shit! am i making any sense here at all? i dont know. whatevers. im just trying kill time until im really really really REALLY sleepy. shit, i should just stop thinking about this huh? and just fucking sleep it off or something.

well, i guess im going to do that then...good night. shit, i hope shes alright. i hope she calls. i hope shes thinking of me. i hope she misses me. i hope this goes away........
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