m!s$ uNdeRrSt0oD (crescenteve) wrote,
m!s$ uNdeRrSt0oD
crescenteve

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days go by...

why did i leave a message? why did i do that? well i wanted to let it be known that things will be all good after this...but i know i shouldnt have let her known what i was feeling or something. i mean, i just dont know anymore...i really dont. im still butt-hurt about what she did and didnt do...bitter? nah i dont think so. but i am hurt in so many ways, i try so hard not to let it out cuz of the things that i have to keep up with these days. i guess i called cuz i wanted to make an effort in making things all right. i wanted one of the important things in my life to work out as well as God wants it to. i mean, few years ago i wasnt the type of person to commit to one thing let alone two things. but now im committing myself to 5 things at the most...and how i do them is beyond me. and 2 or maybe 3 out them is not just for me. its for all the things that will make my world go 'round and function so much better and lead to my happiness here on earth. im content..but i could be so much better if i wasnt missing fractions in my days now. im all bunched up inside cuz it seems like my effort is shit, i mean things can be worked out i know it. and things could be so fucking swell...i just know it. but this time, its not on me. im doing what i could...but it takes two to tango...you know what i mean?

its almost 10 o'clock in the morning....time for my bio class, and im still sitting here in the media center at school venting out on this journal. but fuuuuuuuuuccccckkkkk! if you only knew what goes on inside my head. if you only knew what my heart feels. if you only knew...

i know that all the possitivity shows. i know! i know you can see it...because everybody else that matters do. you just cant accept it...cuz youre too afraid. afraid that you dont deserve the better me. you dont know how to handle it cuz you know you cant live up to the goodness that ive worked on for the sake of us...not just myself. i know you see it...

all i want is for you to realize all this shit...everything that you should see, everything that you should hear, and everything that you should feel. because no one cares so much about you and what youre about more than i do...and you know it. so dont fuck up with what we have...because its here for a reason. and He shows me the way day by day...thats how i know im doing better. notice that...

well, time for class...
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