m!s$ uNdeRrSt0oD (crescenteve) wrote,
m!s$ uNdeRrSt0oD
crescenteve

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i like clouds...

So I woke up really early today to make it to my doctor’s appointment. I was beginning to miss the public transportation since school was out. Oh well...

So I’m standing at the bus stop which is right in front of an elementary school...from kindergarten to first grade. I know because my brother and my little cousins used to go to this school. And I just wouldn’t believe how many cute kids I’m seeing today. Little girls dressing so cute...and little boys as well. And put a smile on my face. Looking on my left side to see if my bus was coming I saw 2 little kids riding one scooter. The big brother must be dropping his little bro off. He had his little bro tucked in his arms in front of him on the scooter, seeing three little feet on it as they glide across the pavement. They stopped by the gate and the big brother gave his little brother his backpack and gave each other high five. The put an even bigger smile on my face. It made me think way back in my days of innocense with my little brother...

Times when I had him hop on the bike with me so I can teach him how to ride it. He was so short and skinny. He fit just right in my arms wrapped all the way around him. He was so anxious to get his training wheels taken off, and when it was time to learn he couldn’t stop grabbing on my arms so I won’t let go. In ways that he never knew, I was over protective even if I wasn’t around. I remember people yelling at us to hurry up at a water slide because I wanted to make sure he sat on the gliding mat properly so he won’t slip out and get hurt. Then I turned around and flipped those people off. Sorry, I don’t want my brother to get injured, you morons!

Anyway, back to the bus stop. I looked around even more to see more of these Kodak moments. And not too far away from where I was standing, I saw a little blonde girl in her little cute skirt and pink shirt, kiss her daddy who was on his knee in front of her...right on his nose...and said “I love you, daddy”. Then he taps her tiny nose and said “see you later, pumpkin”. I got teary-eyed, remembering the things that I lack and what I’m missing in life. I shook off the feeling and looked for the bus. “Where the heck is the bus?” I thought to myself. Then couple of minutes later, there it came.

So I got myself situated on the bus, sitting on the left side. Few minutes later, a lady with her son hopped on board and sat on my right side. Her son was so cute, I looked at him and noticed that he was already looking at me. I said hello and he said hi. I asked him what he was playing with he blabbed on and on about his “super hero” action figure. And I asked him what his special powers were and he told that his super-hero-action-figure could see the future. So I asked him if his super hero could see mine, then the little boy told me that I was going to have lots of presents for Christmas from Santa and I’m going to win a million dollars. He made me laugh. And then I thought about my plans this coming 2003. I’m due for my externship and I’m hoping that my site would be in pediatrics. Since I’m in this caring-for-adorable-little-kids frenzy, I figured that I would love it.

His mom asked him to eat his banana so I let him sit where she was seated. I looked over to my left, and looked out the window, and who do I see? My ex-boyfriend for 3 years, who is now a father to a baby boy... in his Xterra, tilting his chin up so the visor can block the sun beaming right into his eyes. It’s great that hints are just being rubbed in my face about settling down and having a family...especially by someone who names his son the named the we thought of when we were in love...or so we thought...boy, was I ever wrong. Now that I’m starting think of all these negative thoughts, it dawned to me that...I’m just bitter because I wish it was me who was married (not to him, of course); but to an amazing husband, with awesome kids. Living in a cozy home with white picket fence, a kind dog named Grover. Nice neighbors...fancy living room and a kitchen with.....STOP!!!

See I forgot that I’m living in the real world, and things like that only exist in my Lala Land.

:: zooms out of set of mind frame, focuses on the string to pull for stop request ::

< exit, stage right >
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